Unrequited Love

2002 is the year that changed the course of my life. I moved up to the cities for a job at Federated Insurance and that's is where I met Faron who was an insurance adjuster. I remember our first conversation and it was about traffic since I was brand new up in the cities. The first thing I had noticed about him was his blue eyes and then quickly his smile. I never had a smile effect me like that. I was not used to having a guy pay attention to me and the affection for him grew even more so when I found out his parents were deaf. He knew how to talk to me. For instance, he would be the only one that would actually take off his headset and actually look interested. To this day, I love him for that. It irks me when people start talking to me and I have my headset on. The only time I have it on is when I'm listening to messages, etc. I really start to miss him then.

It was so hard liking someone and not being able to tell them. It was hard to see other girls talk to him and it was hard to keep the jealously down. I started having problems eating and sleeping. One day he told me to take staples out of the paper before putting the paper into the files. I was a little annoyed and told him that he should take me out for lunch for that and he agreed that he would. Low and behold, he did the next Friday! I told him that I was surprised he did and he said that he was a man of his word. That was my "first date." I never had a guy take me anywhere.

It was devestating when he wasn't interested after my being laid off. It made it so much harder. I grew dependent on sleep aid to help me sleep. My weight had gone from 150 to 120 from the first time I had been up there in a three year span. I did a couple of temporary jobs, but none were right for me. I decided to go back to school and just concentrated on it for the next four years.

I even had trouble taking naps, but one day I put on a Mozart aria CD, I love Mozart opera, and fell asleep and slept soundly for three hours. Since then sleep has been better, but I still have demons try to attack me before I fall asleep. I still have nightmares going back there and having him not care when he sees me and still use sleep aid on occasion, but not like I was. I'm also eating so much better thanks to Mom's cooking and learning how to cook from our neighbor Rob.

I did a lot of transfering of Faron over to Rich since Rich reminded me so much of him. A lot of times I catch myself thinking Faron before Rich. I was mad at God for bringing another "Faron" into the picture and again I couldn't have him, but I think God put him in there to get some sort of feel for what it could be like dating him and help put a better closure on it. Again, no one can take those memories away from me.