Today started off good. It started off with a couple of random celebrity look a likes when I was out walking. One was in the morning, I stood next to a guy who looked a lot like Carlton in Psych. I had to do a double take. Then when I did a bank run, I saw a Tim Curry look a like. I just got a vibe today that something was going to go down. It turned out that it was true. I got a call saying that the position ended.
In a way I was relieved. There was a super cute lawyer (my type at the moment) in a different firm that was always nice to me with an unfortanute last name which helped stopped anything, but still nice to have someone like that to at least know that I exist. I didn't want to talk to him too much since I had no idea what was going to happen. He's probably married anyway. Who knows, maybe he'll call. Ha.
I've been feeling the need for quite a few things: my own place, love (I don't need to say anything else-all applies), and Henry lately. I'm going to be coming on 36 in 22 days. It's hard not to feel those pressures. I had that time of month today too and it was really bad for the first time in a long time. So that did not help matters.
I attempted to go to small group, but I took a wrong exit and that made me fucking mad. I keep fucking things up. I drove like I was in the Indy 500. I did not care one way or another how I would end up. I finally end up at the store to pick up some soda and just bawled. I called Mom and she met me up in Lakeville. Thanks to talking to her, a blue moon, and an awesome bacon cheeseburger, I'm feeling better.
I felt bad telling Sarah and Angelo that my position ended. Angelo is a great motivator. I told him I did not want to be unemployed on my birthday and he said-it's only 22 days away. You've got time. You want your job to be like a boyfriend. You want the one who wants you, not the one who kind of does. I was drinking soda and he got out his soda (which they rarely drink) and said I'll be your drinking buddy. Sarah understood it was going to take a while for this one.
I just wanted to get on with my life and maybe start thinking about actually dating. I know people will say, oh, it's better not to be in a relationship than stuck in one, etc.You don't know what it's like being fucking single for all these years with no special touch or kiss. It's very painful. Sorry for all the f-bombs, but I'm in a real pissy mood and the time of month does not help.
Becky, I wish I could be there, give you a hug... go crack a bottle of wine and have a slumber party with you. It isn't fair for anyone of us not in your position to judge, and I'm sure when I was fighting with M or the really hard relationship probs, I would def have said better to be single. But.......... I'd rather fight with him than not have him, so I can only imagine how hard it is for you with everything going on. I know how badly you want the right job, right guy and I'm praying daily daily for God to answer your prayers asap. :) I know that does nothing to comfort you, but I'm thinking about you dear cousin. Love you.
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